I'll take care of you...

When she was 6 years old, Kaylee was in Girl Scouts.  At one time the Scouts visited the local nursing home.  On the way back from picking her up she told me all about the visit.

"Those poor people," she said, "no one comes to visit them.  Dad, I promise, when your old you can live with me and I'll take care of you."

"Two things," I replied. "First, can I get that notarized?  Second, what about mom?"

Beads

When Kaylee was four my brother-in-law and his two kids, Anthony and Ryan, came to stay with us while he looked for a job.  It was a challenge with all of us in the house, but we managed.  Anthony is a little older than Kaylee, and Ryan is a year younger.  They were playing when suddenly Anthony burst from the room sobbing and repeating over and over, "I didn't mean to do it!  I didn't mean to do it!", as if he had killed someone.  A moment later he was followed by Kaylee.

Anthony ran straight to his father's room, continuing to repeat "I didn't mean to do it!  I didn't mean to do it!"  Tears streamed down his face.

"What did you do," Bryan demanded.

After a minute of questioning and Bryan getting frustrated Anthony took a deep breath and said, "I stuck a bead up my nose."

I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing.  To avoid being seen I decided to take out the garbage.  Kaylee followed me.

"I told him not to do it," Kaylee said as she followed me through the garage and to the side of the house.  "He said, 'I bet I can stick this bead up my nose' and I said 'No, beads don't go in your nose', but he didn't listen to me.  I was like 'Don't do it, it won't come out', but he did anyways and then it got stuck and I was like 'I told you it would get stuck, but did you listen to me?  No!'

The more she went on, the harder I laughed.  Just goes to show, she has a good head on her shoulders.

On the Menu

My ladies, Marie included, and went to the zoo one time.  After the zoo it was dinner time and Marie asked, "Where does everyone want to go?"

It was silent until Alora spoke up, "The Old Spaghetti Factory!"

"Sounds good," I said and we drove to Ye Olde Spaghetti Factory.

We were in the booth for a few minutes with our menus when Alora suddenly started crying.  "What's wrong," Marie asked.

"I don't want spaghetti," Alora said.

"Well, why did you say the Olde Spaghetti Factory then?"

Alora took a deep breath before replying, "I forgot what they had!"

M.S.D.S. Mark III Ends “Ambush Leopard’s” Reign of Terror

(Warning Graphic Photo Ahead – not for the faint of heart)

Today I’m proud to report the capture of Arionna, a.k.a the Ambush Leopard. Renown for her snowball ambush tactics preceded by a distinctive “Rebel holler”, she is single handedly the greatest threat to Dad’s peace in the Greater Denver Metro Area.

To counter this threat, I developed the Mass Snow Delivery System Mark III (M.S.D.S.). Although it lacks accuracy, it makes up for it by blanketing a wide area in snowy powder. It has a mediocre range, lacking the accuracy and distance of a well packed “snow grenade”, but it can maintain a rate of fire higher than any non-prepared snow ball position.

Mass Snow Delivery System Mark III

Before hunting the Ambush Leopard, I made sure to outfit myself in my 100% Recycled Bovine Hide Snow Resistant Jacket and Snow Repelling Varmint Furred Head Gear. So equipped, I staked out the Ambush Leopard’s primary hunting ground, a snow covered driveway. I proceeded to go about performing what activities have successfully attracted the Ambush Leopard’s attentions in the past, namely, clearing snow from the driveway.

Me and the M.S.D.S Mark III waiting for the "Ambush Leopard" 

I didn't have long to wait. Shortly after beginning snow clearing operations, I spotted the Ambush Leopard’s distinctive camouflage outfit lurking behind a tree. Out of range, I turned my back on her, luring her to make her strike. Seemingly distracted, I counted to three. The Ambush Leopard had taken the bait and was preparing to strike. Just as her distinctive “Hoop and Holler” yell was made, a sound which will continue to haunt my dreams, I tightened my grip and let loose with a full battery of the M.S.D.S. Mark III. The following photo speaks to the success of the mission:

"Ambush Leopard' -  Reign of Terror finished by the M.S.D.S Mark III

At long last, the terror of the Ambush Leopard is ended. After interrogating the captive, I have determined there may be a greater conspiracy than that of a lone snow terrorist at work here. An evil mastermind, possibly the legendary Kaylee, a.k.a “Ice Shard”, could be coordinating these attacks. I’ll keep you posted on any developments as I find them.